10-13-2015, 11:19 PM
I think, but I'm not sure, that hyphens don't show the turns as well as em dashes -- they usually signify the completion or compounding of a word, instead. But since it is a pain to type actual em dashes (or at least I don't know the shortcut for laptops), I suggest you just do what I do and type a double hyphen, "--". If not that, then again, em dash -- or is it en dash? Now I'm not sure...
As for the haiku, the "sprinkling" doesn't speak random, rain-like dropping to me, not as much as your prose elaboration of the subject, and I don't think the "walking" should really be there. Oh, and I agree with the above, that "road" isn't needed. Now, I can't think of a good substitute for "sprinkling", but if they were the ones to be so scattered, there should be an across, I think, so that they wouldn't seem like the sowers here, but the sown. Perhaps something like:
"night falls--
across the blacktop,
acorns"
As for the haiku, the "sprinkling" doesn't speak random, rain-like dropping to me, not as much as your prose elaboration of the subject, and I don't think the "walking" should really be there. Oh, and I agree with the above, that "road" isn't needed. Now, I can't think of a good substitute for "sprinkling", but if they were the ones to be so scattered, there should be an across, I think, so that they wouldn't seem like the sowers here, but the sown. Perhaps something like:
"night falls--
across the blacktop,
acorns"