10-11-2015, 04:22 PM
On the first line you lost me... I was ready to move on... It reminded me of every bad vampire book and movie I had ever read or watched... The second line was workable and by the third I moved to the comments... But billy had a point; I went back and I went through it. As a first poem, the essence could be a workable poem... I wish you luck on your edits and hope you keep at it...
Do you have the patience to wait
Till your mud settles and the water is clear?
Can you remain unmoving
Till the right action arises by itself?
~Lao tzu
Till your mud settles and the water is clear?
Can you remain unmoving
Till the right action arises by itself?
~Lao tzu