10-09-2015, 08:04 PM
A bit wordy. I get the whole 5-7-5 thing, but the wordiness removes the spirit. Remove "made", "to see", "them", and possibly move "surprised" to next line. Also, the turn is somewhat off: I feel, but this might just be me, that the turn is between "surprise" and the rest. Further, "blue sky knows them all" sounds incomplete in thought: that is, I don't think it really says anything meaningful, or at least anything that you're trying to say. Otherwise, real nice, especially with the picture: picture and poem work really well together.