Dad's Angry at Me

[elviaje26]

I think this poem is OK but rough around the edges. I disagree that you have to go full on cliche and talk about helplessness so concretely, you know what is going on and get that from the poem already.

I would ditch the last line, the line before has more impact. I also don't care for the whack whack whack.. It comes off as cartoonish.

I definitely will ditch the last line.