10-04-2015, 08:06 AM
Hello again,
Your feedback has been spot-on, well done.
I understand what you're saying about the recurring line, I decided to keep it as the ending line, hoping it might have more of an effect.
It's funny, I read the two lines you mentioned quite a few times, wondering why they didn't sound right. I now know not to start a sentence on conjunctions ha. Thanks for the tip.
I switched out 'dissolved' for 'transpired' after your insight. It makes sense.
Yeahh I wasn't sure about the apostrophe in Earths either. I went ahead and tacked it on just in case.
Thanks again for rereading and continuing to provide your insights. Your criticism has proven to be most constructive.
Mike
Your feedback has been spot-on, well done.
I understand what you're saying about the recurring line, I decided to keep it as the ending line, hoping it might have more of an effect.
It's funny, I read the two lines you mentioned quite a few times, wondering why they didn't sound right. I now know not to start a sentence on conjunctions ha. Thanks for the tip.
I switched out 'dissolved' for 'transpired' after your insight. It makes sense.
Yeahh I wasn't sure about the apostrophe in Earths either. I went ahead and tacked it on just in case.
Thanks again for rereading and continuing to provide your insights. Your criticism has proven to be most constructive.
Mike