10-02-2015, 01:07 PM
Noydian
Thanks for the feedback, it's been extremely helpful. I'm still debating after reading your comment whether or not I want to add a fourth stanza. I feel like the poems a bit wordy, so to add a fourth might make it unnecessary in length, especially if I can express what I want in three.
As far as your interpretation you're correct; I wanted to express how the middle-upper class will advance through technology, while the lower class will actually decrease in terms of living standards, especially after the priority of resources will be focused on the next technological boom of the century.
As for the POV I messed that up when writing the story into the first edit. The first two stanzas are third person omniscient, whereas the third stanza is first person. I also realized that a person inside a building at level floor probably wouldn't hear an explosive crash at 30,000 ft. I understand how that could come off as a bit forceful, I imagine I'm going to have to rewrite the majority of that last bit. As far as the grammatical errors I thank you, those will be fixed right now.
Oh and the archaism is intentional. Its meant to show that as technology advances there is a class of society that will simultaneously become more primitive and barbaric as the division of class becomes more and more extreme.
Thanks for the feedback, it's been extremely helpful. I'm still debating after reading your comment whether or not I want to add a fourth stanza. I feel like the poems a bit wordy, so to add a fourth might make it unnecessary in length, especially if I can express what I want in three.
As far as your interpretation you're correct; I wanted to express how the middle-upper class will advance through technology, while the lower class will actually decrease in terms of living standards, especially after the priority of resources will be focused on the next technological boom of the century.
As for the POV I messed that up when writing the story into the first edit. The first two stanzas are third person omniscient, whereas the third stanza is first person. I also realized that a person inside a building at level floor probably wouldn't hear an explosive crash at 30,000 ft. I understand how that could come off as a bit forceful, I imagine I'm going to have to rewrite the majority of that last bit. As far as the grammatical errors I thank you, those will be fixed right now.
Oh and the archaism is intentional. Its meant to show that as technology advances there is a class of society that will simultaneously become more primitive and barbaric as the division of class becomes more and more extreme.