10-02-2015, 10:01 AM
This started as very bitter reading for me that evolved over the course of the poem to become more palpable. The double and triple occurrences of words in the first stanza caused me to stutter-step my way through it. In the first line of the second stanza, "motherfucking" is out of nowhere. I've never had much of a positive attitude toward the word "fucking" and its variants being used as adjectives, because it seems empty. Sometimes it works to help evoke an emotional response of rage or negativity, but that feel just doesn't fit this poem at all. Is the narrator discontent? Angry? Rebellious? At this point in the poem we're not given enough subject matter to have an investment or understanding of it's overall tone. After reading, that line stuck out like a sore thumb as a flash of negativity in an otherwise humorous and perceptively light-hearted poem.
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The third stanza brought back the repeating word mechanism in a bit of a better way, because it seems like two people conversing, not one. One person asks the question, another answers. Even if that's not the case, the posing of a genuine question here was excellent, because at that point I became invested. I wanted to know the question's answer.
The remainder of the poem was fantastic, like a slalom or a waterslide. I just rode it down to the end, smoothly, willing to turn with it as it curved. Crisp was the answer the whole time, I feel like I should have known that and yet I didn't. The only formatting concern I have is the excessive spacing between the 6th and 7th stanzas, especially since they are linked together by "And" starting the 7th stanza. It read to me like a pseudo-pregnant pause in the middle of a sentence that does not need it to communicate the point more effectively.
Very enjoyable, I loved the mood I got from this as I read it. Thank you!
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The third stanza brought back the repeating word mechanism in a bit of a better way, because it seems like two people conversing, not one. One person asks the question, another answers. Even if that's not the case, the posing of a genuine question here was excellent, because at that point I became invested. I wanted to know the question's answer.
The remainder of the poem was fantastic, like a slalom or a waterslide. I just rode it down to the end, smoothly, willing to turn with it as it curved. Crisp was the answer the whole time, I feel like I should have known that and yet I didn't. The only formatting concern I have is the excessive spacing between the 6th and 7th stanzas, especially since they are linked together by "And" starting the 7th stanza. It read to me like a pseudo-pregnant pause in the middle of a sentence that does not need it to communicate the point more effectively.
Very enjoyable, I loved the mood I got from this as I read it. Thank you!