10-01-2015, 02:49 PM
The last stanza here really threw me for a loop. I thought this was a bit of a condemnation of technological dependency. However, the last stanza makes me think of it more as a division of class, like the serf is being resentful of the lord they work beneath. It reads like a "chapter two" to the first two stanzas because it doesn't come across as being hypothetical, instead seeming like the narrator is waking up from a dream, or a teacher terminating the story to bring their point full circle. I very much enjoy the story of the doctor, and I understand that his death requires a jump to a different central character/idea. I would actually love to see a fourth stanza in the same POV as the third. I want to know more about this narrator, I want to know if they're in this world that the doctor resided in, or if they're where the teacher I perceived as the speaker is. For the actual text and layout, I have few complaints. Vocabulary and delivery are solid throughout. In the 8th line of the first stanza "irritating" is missing the "t". In the third stanza "jet-black" is hyphenated, then non-hyphenated. In the 8th line of the third stanza, the narrator's question starts with "Oh why". That seems like a bit of an archaic way for a person to use "Oh" as the opener to a question, though maybe that irony is purposeful? I'm not sure. All in all, a very enjoyable work. Thank you!