09-29-2015, 05:38 AM
The free flow style of the poem is nice enough on a quick first listen, and the image of two people (children? It seems like that to me, what with the bus and general playful atmosphere.) while one of the two flits through different ideas, memories and possible beliefs involving the natural world around them is pretty cool. It has a lighthearted tone to it, like casually snowballing thoughts between friends on a lazy afternoon.
However, when sitting down and looking at it more deeply, the non serious conscious spitballing becomes a bit detrimental. From what I can tell (and I may have missed something!), there isn't a real underlying message or theme to the poem, no takeaway sentiment. Like rowens said, it just rolls on from one idea to the next, unconcerned with connecting the dots that may or may not be there. It rambles for rambling's sake, and I can't say I'm a fan of that. Also, your phrasing and tone appears conflicting at certain points. The first stanza has a peaceful tone to it, and it sounds like the narrator is speaking to a child. Immediately following that is the line: "Take a bite out of a motherfucking apple." It's such a dramatic shift in word choice that I couldn't help but laugh out loud. Not in a mean way; it's just so out of place that it's borderline nonsensical. Is this conveying aggression? Levity, the kind that you'd find in teenage or adult-oriented conversation? Cursing for the sake of emphasis? No idea but it's awkward.
For the most part, the individual chunks of the poem are clear enough on their own, but I have a problem with the bit from which the poem draws its title from: "Everything is everything." The best guess I could give is that it has to do with the interconnectivity of nature, humans and reality as a whole. Or maybe it's something more specific. I really have no idea. It's incredibly vague, and without additional context you could derive any meaning you wish from it...that is, in other words, it really has no meaning. In a poem with generally straightforward language, it's also out of place, and since it's part of the title I'm a bit bothered that it's the one part that I have no bearing on.
I hope this didn't seem too nitpicky, haha.
However, when sitting down and looking at it more deeply, the non serious conscious spitballing becomes a bit detrimental. From what I can tell (and I may have missed something!), there isn't a real underlying message or theme to the poem, no takeaway sentiment. Like rowens said, it just rolls on from one idea to the next, unconcerned with connecting the dots that may or may not be there. It rambles for rambling's sake, and I can't say I'm a fan of that. Also, your phrasing and tone appears conflicting at certain points. The first stanza has a peaceful tone to it, and it sounds like the narrator is speaking to a child. Immediately following that is the line: "Take a bite out of a motherfucking apple." It's such a dramatic shift in word choice that I couldn't help but laugh out loud. Not in a mean way; it's just so out of place that it's borderline nonsensical. Is this conveying aggression? Levity, the kind that you'd find in teenage or adult-oriented conversation? Cursing for the sake of emphasis? No idea but it's awkward.
For the most part, the individual chunks of the poem are clear enough on their own, but I have a problem with the bit from which the poem draws its title from: "Everything is everything." The best guess I could give is that it has to do with the interconnectivity of nature, humans and reality as a whole. Or maybe it's something more specific. I really have no idea. It's incredibly vague, and without additional context you could derive any meaning you wish from it...that is, in other words, it really has no meaning. In a poem with generally straightforward language, it's also out of place, and since it's part of the title I'm a bit bothered that it's the one part that I have no bearing on.
I hope this didn't seem too nitpicky, haha.