09-17-2015, 02:59 PM
I enjoyed this, although I think it could be simplified in some parts.
A few lines of explanation among the flowery language could go a long way to describing a scene to the reader.
The last two paragraphs instantly filled me with emotion though.
At the start I'm getting a "reminiscing on good times" feeling, and at the end I get a longing feeling, a want to prove something to someone, and to yourself.
Is this what you were going for? Even if not, I think the way it read was quite profound
Good job!
A few lines of explanation among the flowery language could go a long way to describing a scene to the reader.
The last two paragraphs instantly filled me with emotion though.
At the start I'm getting a "reminiscing on good times" feeling, and at the end I get a longing feeling, a want to prove something to someone, and to yourself.
Is this what you were going for? Even if not, I think the way it read was quite profound
Good job!