Say
#5
(09-08-2015, 12:50 PM)Tiger the Lion Wrote:  Say

sooner or later
it will be tonight

that I finally
have to say goodnight
 
you should know by now
how I love you

I’ve had forever
to speak

and if I might...
Hi Tiger, after reading this a few times I feel like my mind is going in figure-eights or something. Smile I have a few thoughts:

1) I think lines 3-4 would read better if you moved 'have' up into the third line:
that I finally have
to say goodnight
just sounds smoother to me.
2) I like the trailing-off at the end that wraps back up to the beginning.

All in all I think it's very good.
Free verse poetry and jazz are like brother and sister.
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Messages In This Thread
Say - by Tiger the Lion - 09-08-2015, 12:50 PM
RE: Say - by RiverNotch - 09-08-2015, 11:33 PM
RE: Say - by Wjames - 09-09-2015, 09:07 AM
RE: Say - by Mark A Becker - 09-10-2015, 11:43 PM
RE: Say - by peacejazzspirit - 09-11-2015, 11:52 AM



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