09-07-2015, 12:58 AM
(09-06-2015, 10:42 AM)Mark A Becker Wrote: VirtualityLove this Mark! :j An account of transcendence of the boundaries of our body into pure freedom. I've written a poem similar to yours style-wise, but after reaching 10 syllables I worked it back down to one line by line. I like the piece as is but maybe consider working it back down to 1 describing the aftermath of "breaking free of gravity's pliers". It's great as it is though so if you want, dismiss my suggestion.
Though
this world
now holds me
pulls my blood in
calls me down loudly
to bear my bones proudly
I’m logging out of this skin
forsaking worldly attractions
breaking free of gravity’s pliers
to awaken beyond reach of these stars
Free verse poetry and jazz are like brother and sister.