09-04-2015, 07:30 AM
Very neat, rhyme, meter and so on. You missed out an ''it'' in l. 1.
It is witty; do you think it might have been improved if your fourth line read ''when you make it into Heaven - if you go'' ? Just a thought.
Four and a half out of ten.
It is witty; do you think it might have been improved if your fourth line read ''when you make it into Heaven - if you go'' ? Just a thought.
Four and a half out of ten.