Going home

Going home

Leanne Offline

R.I.P.

Posts: 1,568
Threads: 317
Joined: Jun 2011

08-17-2015, 06:13 PM

Do you want dead and gone away or dead or gone away? If it's the former, it seems you're pushing too many words in for the rhyme, and bordering on cliche. Otherwise, this is poignant with a solid rhythm that dwindles quite perfectly.

It could be worse

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Messages In This Thread

Going home - by tectak - 08-17-2015, 05:51 PM

RE: Going home - by Leanne - 08-17-2015, 06:13 PM

RE: Going home - by tectak - 08-18-2015, 04:45 AM

RE: Going home - by Mark A Becker - 08-18-2015, 06:08 AM

RE: Going home - by tectak - 08-18-2015, 07:17 AM

RE: Going home - by Mark A Becker - 08-18-2015, 08:17 AM

RE: Going home - by tectak - 08-18-2015, 04:21 PM

RE: Going home - by billy - 08-18-2015, 05:38 PM

RE: Going home - by tectak - 08-18-2015, 11:16 PM

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