Purgatory

[ThePen]

I step onto a ferry, looking towards a horizon of white
and the brilliant radiance sets the night alight
But suddenly, a list of names is read out
My name is called, and I am thrashed about
Hit on the head, and thrown overboard
By none other than Christ, Our Lord.
-So to make a long story short, I am trying to describe the catholic view of the journey from earth to heaven. Those with undaunted souls take the ferry across, those with unconfessed venial sins are instead thrown overboard by Christ and forced to swim across the sea of purgatory to heaven. I don't know. It sounded like a good idea for a poem. I'm not quite done, and was just looking for some feedback. Thanks!

Your poem could do with some additional work. I appreciate that you try to rhyme. I also think that one verse "and the brilliant radiance sets the night alight" is out of place. I do not see how there is night in heaven. I also do not appreciate the phrase "Hit on the head". I think it could be improved and seems ambiguous.

I think that you can do better.