08-11-2015, 11:52 AM
I really like this poem.
It's very understated, and although I'd be interested to find out what exactly has changed for her, I don't need to
Your poem stands well, lonely like that.
The only critiques I have would be omitting some words to tighten it, for instance, in the 1st line.
I don't think you need "the" and it tripped me up a bit. Same with the 5th line, I'd love to see it as "catches dry grass" instead of "the dry grass". But maybe I'm just being picky.
Also I would suggest a change of the word "anchored"... It's not totally out of place, but there are words that could be better I think.
"Rooted", perhaps?
Things I love though are especially your line breaks, like "angle", "moving ground", and also the way "She stands." stands alone.
All your breaks are in excellent taste
Very good poem here.
Cousin Kil
It's very understated, and although I'd be interested to find out what exactly has changed for her, I don't need to
Your poem stands well, lonely like that.
The only critiques I have would be omitting some words to tighten it, for instance, in the 1st line.
I don't think you need "the" and it tripped me up a bit. Same with the 5th line, I'd love to see it as "catches dry grass" instead of "the dry grass". But maybe I'm just being picky.
Also I would suggest a change of the word "anchored"... It's not totally out of place, but there are words that could be better I think.
"Rooted", perhaps?
Things I love though are especially your line breaks, like "angle", "moving ground", and also the way "She stands." stands alone.
All your breaks are in excellent taste
Very good poem here.
Cousin Kil