08-09-2015, 01:32 PM
Hi Animal Riots Activist,
You've got some good things going on in this short piece. To be honest the first time I read it I wasn't a fan so I'm glad that I came back to it to find its other qualities. I think what put me off the first time was the 'preachy' aspect. I know that we are not supposed to identify the speaker with the poet but in situations like this it is pretty hard not to and because I don't know what qualifies the poet to tell me this (no disrespect to you at all) then it's not so easy to take. You could remedy this by signing it Mark Twain or probably a better option; saying something like "A wise man once told me" or something along those lines.
I like the play with the double meaning of 'timeliness' the obvious meaning of appropriateness and the less well known archaic meaning of early. The only other suggestion I would say is to possibly change 'on time' in the first line because you basically have it in the title and the play with 'on' and 'time' comes across well enough in the title also.
Thanks for the read,
Mark
You've got some good things going on in this short piece. To be honest the first time I read it I wasn't a fan so I'm glad that I came back to it to find its other qualities. I think what put me off the first time was the 'preachy' aspect. I know that we are not supposed to identify the speaker with the poet but in situations like this it is pretty hard not to and because I don't know what qualifies the poet to tell me this (no disrespect to you at all) then it's not so easy to take. You could remedy this by signing it Mark Twain or probably a better option; saying something like "A wise man once told me" or something along those lines.
I like the play with the double meaning of 'timeliness' the obvious meaning of appropriateness and the less well known archaic meaning of early. The only other suggestion I would say is to possibly change 'on time' in the first line because you basically have it in the title and the play with 'on' and 'time' comes across well enough in the title also.
Thanks for the read,
Mark
wae aye man ye radgie