08-09-2015, 06:30 AM
Hey Animal Riots Activist,
I enjoyed your poem. It was like a nice neat knot: clean and contained.
1) All lines except for the second line have 11 syllables. Just wondering if that was intentional or maybe an issue still waiting to be resolved.
2) I like how the first sentence reads like spoken advice from a wiser person to a less-experienced person who basically about to get his/her paradigm shifted in the following lines. That being said, I wonder what your thoughts would be if the third line read: "it depends on if you can convince yourself." Or maybe that is the point you are trying to make, that the actual method a person chooses to use to convince themselves is of more importance than if they are able to do so.
Best,
KJ
I enjoyed your poem. It was like a nice neat knot: clean and contained.
1) All lines except for the second line have 11 syllables. Just wondering if that was intentional or maybe an issue still waiting to be resolved.
2) I like how the first sentence reads like spoken advice from a wiser person to a less-experienced person who basically about to get his/her paradigm shifted in the following lines. That being said, I wonder what your thoughts would be if the third line read: "it depends on if you can convince yourself." Or maybe that is the point you are trying to make, that the actual method a person chooses to use to convince themselves is of more importance than if they are able to do so.
Best,
KJ