08-08-2015, 02:47 AM
The title itself is vague: "The King of the Old Earth". What is this Old Earth, or is it some mythological reference? The poem begins well in the first two stanzas with the pertinent message that defeat or failure is not the end of things, and that it should not deter one from making further efforts. However, the succeeding paragraphs become more and more vague, and in an effort to enforce rhyming, the meaning is further obscured. "A voice that can only sing obeys the clock, the counted hour". What is this supposed to mean, and how is it relevant to the message you are trying to convey? "To hide is not wise as rebellion against a fate in chambers filled with eyes watching the Holy suffer hate". Again the meaning is obscure and made further obscure by your over-anxiety to rhyme 'fate' and 'hate'. What could have been a very good poem with a message has been spoilt by being overly lengthened, as well as by obscurity and forced rhyming.