08-06-2015, 01:41 AM
Hello Tigonfre-
A monologue by the devil, eh? Unless you'd have said so, that fact would not have struck me.
Another approach is required. First person is OK, and angling for "sympathy for the devil" is OK too. I think that Mick's much more direct treatment is also more effective.
Tighten this one down, and don't be so obscure that you need to then tell readers after the fact what the poem is about: that is not a luxury afforded outside this forum.
And yes, I did get the SON at the end line. But I'm afraid that only confused this reader even more, because I did NOT take it to mean LUCIFER, the fallen angel. So, you spend a lot of words leading up to an obscure ending. That can be deadly, my friend.
... Mark
A monologue by the devil, eh? Unless you'd have said so, that fact would not have struck me.
Another approach is required. First person is OK, and angling for "sympathy for the devil" is OK too. I think that Mick's much more direct treatment is also more effective.
Tighten this one down, and don't be so obscure that you need to then tell readers after the fact what the poem is about: that is not a luxury afforded outside this forum.
And yes, I did get the SON at the end line. But I'm afraid that only confused this reader even more, because I did NOT take it to mean LUCIFER, the fallen angel. So, you spend a lot of words leading up to an obscure ending. That can be deadly, my friend.
... Mark