08-05-2015, 07:01 AM
Hello Turtle-
Good one. Some trimming is needed, but you probably know that.
While this topic has been done over a bazillion times, you bring a freshness to it with your experiences measured as wealth. That is the strength of this poem. Some mark-up below:
Riches aren't measured
in gold pieces
no, no, no,
those are simply shiny trinkets
to keep our attention
My riches were gained when I learned
how to give life
to a fire,
or when I shared
unconditionally
with another,
or when I spent that afternoon in the forest
with the people I love,
or when I taught that child
how to read
the stars...
When it comes to the last breath,
these are the riches we keep
in death.
Good one. Some trimming is needed, but you probably know that.
While this topic has been done over a bazillion times, you bring a freshness to it with your experiences measured as wealth. That is the strength of this poem. Some mark-up below:
Riches aren't measured
in gold pieces
no, no, no,
those are simply shiny trinkets
to keep our attention
My riches were gained when I learned
how to give life
to a fire,
or when I shared
unconditionally
with another,
or when I spent that afternoon in the forest
with the people I love,
or when I taught that child
how to read
the stars...
When it comes to the last breath,
these are the riches we keep
in death.