Unconditional Lust

[tectak]

So, this is my first draft of my first poem i've wrote written. Avoid intros. Avoid "i've wrote". Of course you writted it. It is your poem.Trouble is it doesn't exactly have flow to it. But i struggle to add flow such as rhymes Read the advice forums on this site. "Flow", whatever that is, has nothing to do with rhymeswithout it sounding happy which is the opposite of what i'm trying to achieve. Any feedback is more than welcome and thanks so much if you read it all!

His curiosity for the door,
But never knocks. Even in novice, this line makes absolutely no sense. Read it out loud. Not to your mother. "His curiosity for" Huh? ...and for a door? Huh? No. This MUST be rephrased. Do you mean that he is curious about what is behind the door but out of trepidation he cannot bring himself to knock?
So.
"Though curious to see what lies
behind the door, his fear restrains him;
he cannot bring himself to knock." Your poem.

He's scared. Scared of abandonment, What on earth has this got to do with the door? A total disconnect of thought train within a single stanza.
Or the rude breach of reality What is a rude breach of reality? Is "breach" the word you mean to use? How about "rude rush" in view of the next (incomprehensible) line
That comes crashing & barraging down. "barraging" has many definitions none of which permit for a direct linkage with "down". In the military sense you may invoke a sense of the "raining down" of shells; in the context of inquisition you may be "under a verbal barrage"; were you a stream or river, you may be "barraged" to obstruct the flow. I am at a loss, however, to see how a "breach" can "barrage".  
Like an uninvited snake waiting, Now I am on the point of giving up. This is metaphorically, though a simile, equivalent to "my love is like a fingernail that grows until bit off" except that you substituted "drainpipe" for "fingernail".
Waiting for him to pop the question MASSIVE cliche.

He is prepared for anything,
With depleted, punctured life jackets. Gobbledygook...see how I am getting angrier by the line. Poetry should not do this by accident
He's heartbreak bound, courtesy of fatal attraction, Oh good grief. You have heard of the film? Yes? Then it is a cliche. You have not heard of the film? You have forgotten that you have heard of it...still a cliche.
Still he tampers with the rivets of her heart. Start the poem HERE but rewrite the rest. I apologise if this sounds harsh....oh good grief, what am I apologising for. It is you who should apologise. You have an idea here, you want me to share it, you want me to understand it, you want me to "get" something from it....but you do not want to put effort in to it. Please DO NOT GIVE UP. Just take your time and READ your work OUT LOUD. Punctuate to clarity, stop using silly, outdated, confusing capitals for every line. You can only get away with such a device a) on eulogy sites or b) when your writing is clear enough not to be made worse by the device.
The attempt to steal a glance of inside,
Like a romantic heist. Or wishful lust. Gobbledygook

As time goes by his confidence becomes frantic. I could not fail to disagree with you less....whatever we both mean
They laugh. His eyes adjust, ears tune in search for her...
She laughs. He laughs.
Of course he laughs.
Don't you know,
That man is slave to what he cannot have? BANG! Sweet death please take me now.

They beg him. I beg him to free his shackles,
Yet he has grown dependent on her voice,
He loves the way she smiles and is addicted,
To the way she bleeds his heart.
With his back on the meat hook he fantasizes,
And invents a reciprocation of his affection.

He fears at the end of the lustful pursuit,
The credits will read an ongoing,
Unshakable,
Unfailing,
Unconditional Lust.

All that can be said has been but take heart; we all post stuff like this in the early years. It is hoped that you are not 85 and have been writing for 80 years...if so, I apologise . If not, I apologise for apologising.
Take this poem and pare it down to the essentials. Write clear, meaningful sentences. Punctuate to clarity. Avoid cliches especially if you have heard them in songs, films or video games. Use similes/metaphors to make your intent an "image" that relates. A "breach of reality" is nothing like anything...least of all "an uninvited snake". KEEP YOUR OWN "STYLE", whatever it may be. You will get better at being yourself....you will get worse at being someone else. If you do not rhyme, fine. If you do not strive for meter, fine. If you do not count syllables per line, fine. If want this to be poetry, tell me why you think it is...it may not be fine by me but someone will say it is fine. That may be all you want...hmmm. Maybe you SHOULD read it to your mother.
Best,
tectak