Purgatory

[fluorescent.43]

catholic or not, this entire poem is the same cliché. how many poems have i seen about taking a swim over to hell?--countless. i'd suggest singling out a person (going to heaven or not) and describe their journey (life and death) in detail. instead of a brief-and-poorly-written summation of the bible, you'd have a more original piece to work with.

I step onto a ferry, looking towards a horizon of white[.]  --here, you're just twisting around the words to get a rhyme.
and the brilliant radiance sets the night alight and
But suddenly, a list of names is read out massive cliché alert. also, 'list of names' could be mistaken for santa claus's list of names. detail, more detail.
My name is called, and I am thrashed about by what? heavenly forces?
Hit on the head and thrown overboard into what?
By none other than Christ, Our Lord. well... of course... who else would it be?
-So to make a long story short, I am trying to describe the catholic view of the journey from earth to heaven. Those with undaunted souls take the ferry across, those with unconfessed venial sins are instead thrown overboard by Christ and forced to swim across the sea of purgatory to heaven. I don't know. It sounded like a good idea for a poem. I'm not quite done, and was just looking for some feedback. Thanks!

sorry i gave quite the bashing. i think you could turn this into something good; you just need to rethink your approach. the catholic point-of-view or whatever is so common that it's cliché-- references are strewn all over the place, even in non-religious/non-hell/non-whatever poems.

hopefully i gave you some food for thought. good luck if you intend to make an edit!

43.