Berceuse

[Mark A Becker]

Hi PJS-

I'm unsure about the comma, as well. Written as a single prose sentence, I believe the comma would be appropriate, but I do tend to "over-comma". Perhaps other grammarians will weigh in.
... Mark

Hey Keith-

While I appreciate the advice, the rhymes (and near rhymes) serve a purpose. Perhaps I'll speak to the structure in a later post. As is usual for me, I worked in several (hopefully subtle) elements. If this were a different poem, I would definitely consider using "comes a gentle presence".

Figuring out how to un-gerund "humming" and "thrumming" would probably drive me crazy (and there's no point driving myself crazy because I'm already close enough that I could walk). Besides, I'm embarrassed to admit how much time I spent on such a short piece: it sat, then re-surfaced, sat, then re-surfaced... sat, then... you get the point.

The most important thing for me is that the meaning conveyed as intended. So, no matter how many arrows I may take for the structural elements that I purposely employed, at least I'll know that the message got through.

Thanks!
... Mark