Percussion

[Wjames]

hello again wj-

Reflecting upon S. 2,  I begin t think that the "snare" is a tricky instrument to convey the sizzling/pattering sound of rain on a metal roof: that's why I suggested the word "beat".

The trick will be to pair the snare's sound within the context of a children's book (as a suggestion):
" backing the tubby tubas with a steady roll."

Also- "Rain fell" should be "rain falls", as falling rain makes the sound, not rain that fell.

I like snare, in my head I hear the rain like a soft drum roll on a snare drum. Getting that to fit in with a children's book is definitely a challenge though. The connection for me is that rain falling on a metal roof is a very soothing sound (I find), like a children's book. Of course, a snare's drum roll is traditionally thought of in the more violent context of marching bands etc, so that's what makes it tough.
 
I think "fell" is correct, as I've established it is in the past tense with "I sat on the deck" vs "I sit on the deck".

Hi, I also like this piece and the title is perfect. I was expecting more use of onomatopoeia (thank fuck for copy+paste) bearing in mind the title.

The only bit of crit I would offer would be to drop the third 'the' in the first stanza, it doesn't seem right when read out loud.

The only other thing that I will add, which will be of no help whatsoever is that 'Percussion' is an anagram of 'Supersonic' or more appropriately 'super sonic'. Like I said not much help, but interesting I'm sure you'll agree.

Thanks for the read,

Mark

Glad you like it Mark, indeed the anagram is interesting. I did want to use some onomatopoeia (thank you for doing the work for me), but all the sounds were violent, and as I said above I wanted it to be soothing. I agree about the "the", will do.


Thanks guys.