Flicker

[Tiger the Lion]

Flicker

Again and again 
another rain assails her dying embers.
 
She burned everything
to get this far.

i quite like this! it invites a deeper read, especially since it's so short. i especially like the last two lines-- gives another perspective to the first two, i think. instead of a simple vignette it becomes something deeper.  a few suggestions & questions: is the first line necessary? you've already got 'another' after it. also, just as a personal opinion, i like the word 'assaults' more instead of 'assails'.

it's actually pretty hard to give good critique on short poems. hope i provided some food for thought? either way, i like the poem as is. good work and good luck if you intend to work on it!

Thank you, fluorescent. The first line has been problematic for me. I wanted to start with meter and then let it naturally dissolve. But technically I can see you are right and the first line is somewhat unnecessary. Still undecided whether it is a strong opening or a weak one. Depends on my read.
Appreciated,
Paul