07-26-2015, 06:55 AM
(07-25-2015, 11:58 AM)Tiger the Lion Wrote: Flickeri quite like this! it invites a deeper read, especially since it's so short. i especially like the last two lines-- gives another perspective to the first two, i think. instead of a simple vignette it becomes something deeper.
Again and again
another rain assails her dying embers.
She burned everything
to get this far.
a few suggestions & questions: is the first line necessary? you've already got 'another' after it. also, just as a personal opinion, i like the word 'assaults' more instead of 'assails'. it's actually pretty hard to give good critique on short poems. hope i provided some food for thought? either way, i like the poem as is. good work and good luck if you intend to work on it!
like you've been shot (bang bang bang)