Kindling

[Mark A Becker]

Thanks flour 43-
The four line version with the xtra words actually was the original version, but I posted the more "line broken" version first (hope that makes sense).

I did that because I temporarily shied away for posting yet another syllabic poem (the 4 line original).

After further thought, I'm going to stick with the original 4 line version. I just don't like the line breaks of the other version.

Kindling

Swayed by the moonlight's subtle power,
we ask a favor of this hour-  
curled together like a question mark-  
will you grant for us just one more spark?


Kindling

Swayed
by moonlight's subtle power,
we ask a favor
of this hour-  
(curled up
like a question
mark)  
will you grant us
one more
spark?

i actually like this short poem. it strikes me as not really a substantial poem, but more of a thoughtful vignette. for some reason, i prefer the first version (you only changed a little of the actual words-- it's just the formatting) because it seems more like a quick breath to me with the line breaks and parentheses. the second version has longer lines and invites more fleshing out, i think. otherwise, this is an enjoyable, quick read. but this is just my opinion, as a reader. so take my words with a large dash of salt.