The One I Never Slept With

[cjchaffin]

The One I Never Slept With

The bad-good boy smelling of some sweet
cologne – a hint of vanilla and a tang love this
that hung in the air when you passed
by. I close my eyes and I'm back
in the musty new bookstore
where the clerk asked if you should
pay for my journals.
It could have been the way
we had matching conference totes or ha!
tattoos on our arms or
that we spoke
of Robert Bly and
Sharon Olds and yes yes yes!

how
I-am-going-to-spend-way-too-much-money-on-this-trip.

It's not your writing I fell for.


What if he knows
I still think of
your sweet smell
your firm arms
that when I
am floating
above
myself
with him
that I
just
lust
for
you

hi Ms Emm,
i like this a lot, it's a great premise and easy to relate to. what frustrated me was that second strophe. it just seemed like a let down,
especially with how well the first is written. i don't like the way it just sinks down the page; it makes it difficult to read and it doesn't really add any depth.
you do your poem a disservice by ending weakly when you could have carried the power of the first strophe straight into the second. 
that said, i love the way the first comes together. the references are personal enough to make me go "hmm..." but familiar enough that i didn't go "huh?
i think you could beef up that second strophe they way you did the first and really smack the reader hard instead of deflating. 
i only say this because i love love loved this and so wanted the ending to be stronger. i think you can do better. in fact, i'm sure of it 
thanks for posting this, it really got my attention.