|
The One I Never Slept With
|
07-17-2015, 02:07 PM
I love the title. One very minor comment, if you simply cut "The bad-good boy" and lead with "smelling of some sweet" it would improve the read and the opening a great deal. Optionally, you could also pull up cologne to end the line if you made those cuts. Though, again that's just an option.
Best, Todd
The secret of poetry is cruelty.--Jon Anderson
|
|
« Next Oldest | Next Newest »
|
| Messages In This Thread |
|
The One I Never Slept With - by DivineMsEmm - 07-15-2015, 11:08 PM
RE: The One I Never Slept With - by i.might.be.a.bit.sad - 07-15-2015, 11:41 PM
RE: The One I Never Slept With - by Erthona - 07-17-2015, 01:13 AM
RE: The One I Never Slept With - by Todd - 07-17-2015, 02:07 PM
RE: The One I Never Slept With - by cjchaffin - 07-21-2015, 01:16 PM
RE: The One I Never Slept With - by billy - 07-21-2015, 05:48 PM
|
