I Am No Victim

[fluorescent.43]

Usually they start with the victim. personal nitpick: i'd rather this line end with a colon, but a fairly strong opener.
I walked in on you and her.
But you walked in on me, him the punctuation of this line screws up the next line- i read it as "me, him me, him" but i did get what you're trying to say. if you want the repetition to accent "me, him", i think something like "me, him. me and him." would work.
me, him.
I was going to say it was only once
(it wasn’t)
or that is was a mistake typo: this was.
(it was).
You left quietly,
no longer chatting away, "chatting away" to me is awkwardly phrased- "chattering away"? but chatting or chattering seems like almost too cheerful of a word to use here. unless you're implying he was a talkative person before this.
and the remains of my excuses dried on my skin. i like the imagery here. you could expand it a bit but i like it.
I used all of the hot water how do you leave a lot of hot water? by paying the bills? not using the shower? it came to my mind after i had read it a few times.
(you left a lot)
and all the soap
(all the soap that didn’t smell like you) i like this. powerful.
and scoured the guilt off of me.
I packed, emailed the landlord, and bought a one way ticket to
wherever. a bit list-y here. i think you could expand each section a bit, make it into separate lines, instead of reeling off what you did in a row.


I need another shower. another nitpick: why so many spaces? but i like this ending line. continues the metaphor in the previous lines well.

first off, i really like this! it's a fascinating premise and i like the use of the parentheses to contradict what you're saying. i think i'm saying a lot of "i likes" so i'll stop. there's not really much i can say- maybe just clean a few parts up and this will be excellent. it was a fun and intriguing read for me.

43.