07-08-2015, 09:59 AM
(07-08-2015, 08:30 AM)queenconstantine Wrote: Hi Claireah Thank you for your feedback Constaintine
Just a couple of thoughts from an amateur...
In your first stanza, it feels a little wordy, and heavy to me. The rhyme of "ancient prune" throws me a bit, as it's the only rhyme, but I'm interpreting that to be a representation of age or awareness of mortality.
In your second stanza I'm unsure of what context "that faires that eternal" are or what it means? That may be my ignorance, but the line doesn't make sense to me.
I like the third and fourth stanzas. I'm not sure what this poem is saying, unless it's describing the realm of ancient deities? It strikes me as very pretty and flowery. This is just my two cents.
This poem is about the beauty of the universe and the stars that's it! I wrote this poem for an astrological poetry competition for teenagers at my school. I compared the Pleaides with fairies so yeah, the "eternal" and "the fairies" refer to the Pleaides . Thank you very much for your time reading this and Hope you have a great day ^.^