07-06-2015, 06:47 AM
First of all, Well done! This is a really great poem. However there are still some rooms for improvement.
* As this poem is about mental sanity, I think that you do not have to be strict about meter and rhymes, as it brings about monotony. I feel that the poem needs some sort of striking, awe-inspiring lines to subtly depict the psychological hysteria.
* By this I mean USING more end-stops, comma to create faster pace and more exclamation mark to convey that intense feeling
( shorter lines would be ideal)
But that's just my opinion, but great title and poem! Good job
* As this poem is about mental sanity, I think that you do not have to be strict about meter and rhymes, as it brings about monotony. I feel that the poem needs some sort of striking, awe-inspiring lines to subtly depict the psychological hysteria.
* By this I mean USING more end-stops, comma to create faster pace and more exclamation mark to convey that intense feeling
( shorter lines would be ideal)
But that's just my opinion, but great title and poem! Good job