A limerick for brownlie edit0.0001 Dr. milo
#2
Well I think you gain points for lewdness in a limerick. This one, however, is somewhat confusing at first glance. 

(06-29-2015, 11:17 PM)tectak Wrote:  A bugler from South Carolina -- Of course, the bugle always has a phallic connotation.
played blues from her pink, pursed vagina. -- Well the organ is often described as a mouth, and purses are generally a feminine accoutrement so that was a good description there.
One night night in Ohio -- Not sure what you mean by night night unless you meant it as a way of saying good night. If that's the case, I'm still confused unless we are talking about a lady of the night or a free spirit.
she got kinda dry'o -- I think you are either missing a syllable here, or you have one too many in the last line.
and her majoris shrank to a minor. -- Not sure if minor rhymes. You could probably write Caroliner and vaginer above. Also, I'm confused about what majoris may mean unless you just mean major. 


Oh gawd. Sewer me, someone.
tectak
Metrically, I think there is some variability with the limericks, and I think the important thing to preserve is the rhyming, the shorter middle and the large amount of anapests. Weird double meanings and crassness also seem to go along with the genre and demonstrate that you are fully utilizing the form (in my opinion). My conclusion here is that pursed, vagina definitely belongs in a limerick. I'm not so sure about "majoris," "night night," or "dry'o" though. Of course, I may be missing something. 

Thanks for posting.
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Messages In This Thread
RE: A limerick for brownlie - by Brownlie - 06-30-2015, 10:57 AM
RE: A limerick for brownlie - by milo - 06-30-2015, 12:01 PM
RE: A limerick for brownlie edit0.0001 Dr. milo - by Alkalinehero - 07-02-2015, 10:55 AM



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