monostitch

[Magpie]

Lay Down Your Arms
The stubborn heroin will never surrender

Hi Mark, this is a new form to me that I can see may have interesting possibilities. First I just need to check did you mean Monostich without the second 't', for a moment I thought you may have changed it for a reason (it could also have interesting possibilities) --- I've actually now noticed that others have called it 'monostitch', although I think this is a mistake that others must have followed because 'stich' means a line of poetry.

Anyway... I get easily distracted sorry about that...

I thought is was strange that the first line had all the words capitalised but after reading the wiki link I realise that this is your title and I think it's a very clever use of words playing on a cliche.
The problem I have a little bit is with the second line or the actual poem as it were. I can see what you're getting at but it almost comes across as tame when I feel as though it should be smashing me over the head with a sledgehammer. Part of the problem I think is the use of the word 'heroin' which is only used by people who don't use 'heroin' (and Lou Reed, though I'm sure he had his reasons for doing so) and although I appreciate that the narrator may be included in that group of people and therefore be more likely to use that word. But it somehow doesn't feel right for this piece --- and in the same vein (pun intended) 'stubborn' also doesn't feel like the right word -- Is it the heroin that's stubborn or the person, or the demon created within the person.
I'd rather not make any suggestions at the moment apart from saying that the title can work really well with a more powerful line to go with it. Others may disagree with me and may see it differently.

Yeah, I do write quite a lot sometimes, it's true... I blame velocity.

Also, one more thing, this form reminds me a little bit of a thread on this site started by Bena (mel) where all the poems had to be 6 words based on Hemingway's short poem : 

For Sale
baby shoes
never worn.



This is the thread link http://www.pigpenpoetry.com/thread-14535.html  I think you'll find it interesting as it is another form of micropoetry.


Cheers for the read,


Mark