06-24-2015, 09:13 AM
Hello Rederex-
I'm thrown by "prima", I must admit. Even after looking it up. I have not read the other comments, but I'm betting that you needed to explain this.
That said, if I need to ask for an explanation, then that explanation will expand my understanding beyond what I should I should have gotten from the poem on my own. You should always presume that I'll never have the luxury of asking.
That is the "danger" of short form poetry: there isn't room for explanations, beyond those few words on the page. Double, and even triple meanings, are fine with me, but I just can't find a first meaning that satisfies my sorry eyes.
That said, if it were my poem, I'd scrap L.1 & L.3 and re-build around "our lives, an eternal dance". That may not help much, but it's all I got.
... Mark
I'm thrown by "prima", I must admit. Even after looking it up. I have not read the other comments, but I'm betting that you needed to explain this.
That said, if I need to ask for an explanation, then that explanation will expand my understanding beyond what I should I should have gotten from the poem on my own. You should always presume that I'll never have the luxury of asking.
That is the "danger" of short form poetry: there isn't room for explanations, beyond those few words on the page. Double, and even triple meanings, are fine with me, but I just can't find a first meaning that satisfies my sorry eyes.
That said, if it were my poem, I'd scrap L.1 & L.3 and re-build around "our lives, an eternal dance". That may not help much, but it's all I got.
... Mark