06-19-2015, 12:56 AM
@milo
Oops, I'm getting to used to spellcheck, and forget everything doesn't have it. I'll take more care in the future. Having no clue how to use line breaks, I was just trying to give it symmetry, I'll pay more attention to that aspect. I'm getting a better idea of what abstractions are now. As for succulent, I think I get why that didn't work, haha. Thanks for the helpful critique.
@billy
Thanks for pointing that out, I was working hard on trying to get some kind of coherent metaphor/imagery? I didn't even try, which is horrible! I'm realizing I need to think things through more thoroughly.
@todd
That helped a lot! So instead of "innocent feathers" if might be like "feathers fall, an offering to the past" I don't knkw, is that closer? Or feathers lay curled in the branches of the world tree?
Thank you for the kind encouragement.
Oops, I'm getting to used to spellcheck, and forget everything doesn't have it. I'll take more care in the future. Having no clue how to use line breaks, I was just trying to give it symmetry, I'll pay more attention to that aspect. I'm getting a better idea of what abstractions are now. As for succulent, I think I get why that didn't work, haha. Thanks for the helpful critique.
@billy
Thanks for pointing that out, I was working hard on trying to get some kind of coherent metaphor/imagery? I didn't even try, which is horrible! I'm realizing I need to think things through more thoroughly.
@todd
That helped a lot! So instead of "innocent feathers" if might be like "feathers fall, an offering to the past" I don't knkw, is that closer? Or feathers lay curled in the branches of the world tree?
Thank you for the kind encouragement.
I relish writing bad poems, if it means someday I'll write a good one.