06-18-2015, 11:21 AM
I've read in other critiques to not use similes or metaphors, especially cliche ones... So hopefully I did it well enough to not make it come so mundane? What do you think? Also, is it too vague because of all the similes and metaphors or does it fit just right?
It just fizzled like a carbonated drink,
That sat out for too long, stirred or not.
As the changes come with states of matter,
Metamorphosis took a solid into liquid.
It is a glass of milk in a low operated fridge.
It spoiled but not yet curdled - Thank God!
My perspective is now setting in the familiarity,
As I walk and think about this friendly feeling.
I'm flying solo, exploring my world.
It can be quite interesting.
But just like any ride, you sleep.
Oh wells, no need to cry over spilled milk.
Because this is my world,
And I'll choose what to drink,
And most importantly, where to put it.
It just fizzled like a carbonated drink,
That sat out for too long, stirred or not.
As the changes come with states of matter,
Metamorphosis took a solid into liquid.
It is a glass of milk in a low operated fridge.
It spoiled but not yet curdled - Thank God!
My perspective is now setting in the familiarity,
As I walk and think about this friendly feeling.
I'm flying solo, exploring my world.
It can be quite interesting.
But just like any ride, you sleep.
Oh wells, no need to cry over spilled milk.
Because this is my world,
And I'll choose what to drink,
And most importantly, where to put it.