06-17-2015, 05:49 PM
always good to see poets trying new things. a pretty good effort.
i'll go with what milo said
a suggestion;
A spider likes to pretentiously crawl,
try and write the line as you would say it in a conversation then work out a rhyme. and try and work in some poetic devices;
The spider seems to pretentiously crawl,
The spider pretentiously starts to crawl,
once you have a few lines pick out the one you like best and use it
anyway, good effort
sorry for the feedback in the fun forum
i'll go with what milo said
a suggestion;
A spider likes to pretentiously crawl,
try and write the line as you would say it in a conversation then work out a rhyme. and try and work in some poetic devices;
The spider seems to pretentiously crawl,
The spider pretentiously starts to crawl,
once you have a few lines pick out the one you like best and use it
anyway, good effort
sorry for the feedback in the fun forum
(06-16-2015, 09:22 PM)queenconstantine Wrote: I was trying iambic pentameter, pretty sure it's all wrong, but a fun attempt, nonetheless.
The sun shines bright upon my window sill,
A spider most pretentiously does crawl,
My mind now screams a spider I must kill!
I grab a nearby lamp intent to maul...
Regrettably my plan now goes astray,
The lamp cord lay in wait across the rug,
I thought I had the spider beat this day,
Piteously, I can only shout Damn Bug!!