How do you paint a picture with words? Revision

[billy]

i think you could give it more depth, even make it more personal.

really screw with the rhymes make them obviously wrong.

how do I paint?
with words
slope syllables, grope emotion,
force rhyme?

the above isn't a re-write, more a suggestion of how you can play around with the piece, how you can show you have some idea of what you're on about by writing like you don't confusing i know but i know what i mean   the edited version is better but still need a fair bit of work..

Tried to improve it, might be worse!XD

How do you paint a picture with words?
Syllables sloping, groping emotion, force a rhyme...
I want to know, I want to flow, try a period here
Eluding my grasp in glossy dark caverns. and a comma here much better line for the edit
Is poetry a thought, an emotion? would it read better if you crop a few small words, [a] and [an]?
Floating through annals of poets devotion, i slipped a little here, would [poetic] be a better choice
If a word is a thought, why can't it be me
Expressing, attesting for you to see.
There's a rhyme does it flow, does it go comma after [rhyme]
In my lyrical garden, plucking the rose? rhymes a bit off on this line


Any kind of comment welcome...

How do you paint a picture with words?
Syllables sloping, groping emotion, forcing a rhyme...
I want to know, I want to flow
across pages into the deepest chasms of the human condition,
eluding my grasp in the glossy, dark caverns of humanity.
What is poetry? A thought, an emotion? If a word is a thought
why can't it be me, expressing, attesting for you to see.
There's a rhyme, does it flow, does it go, scratching my heart, touching my soul.

moved from Misc to Novice, ella