06-16-2015, 12:48 PM
the first line reads well enough but could do with better punctuation [i think]
My weapon is a lie; insidious, creeping.
same in the 2nd
I attack her soul, her being.
try not to use too many ing words, specially at the end of a line. raised
it could do with some fresh lines and less forced end rhymes.
watch and lost don't rhyme. some times poetry need not rhyme.
the first line could very well be
My weapon are insidious lies [just an idea to ponder.
My weapon is a lie; insidious, creeping.
same in the 2nd
I attack her soul, her being.
try not to use too many ing words, specially at the end of a line. raised
it could do with some fresh lines and less forced end rhymes.
watch and lost don't rhyme. some times poetry need not rhyme.
the first line could very well be
My weapon are insidious lies [just an idea to ponder.
(06-13-2015, 01:26 PM)queenconstantine Wrote: *anxiously awaits helpful critique*
My weapon, a lie, insidious creeping.
I attack, her soul, her being.
Soon a doubt, a question raising,
What is truth, is she mistaking?
Fantasy holds such allure,
When her mind is so unsure.
She overlooks, her demons watch,
One step closer, she'll be lost.
Balanced on that tempting line,
Another thought, she'll soon be mine
No one hears her grievous plea,
As she sinks to insanity.