i'd suggest a [the] or [A] to open the first line; is [above me] needed or is it a give that you're not a pilot and the sky is above 
sorry if i went to far with the feedback, there's more of the same to the end of the poem. cut back, chop out, lines like; that was my mistake. they add little and if you really want to use it, use [my mistake]. try to show the hand print, the thong, the poem has potential if you can add a bit more originality and remove some of the mundane lines/phrases.
welcome
sorry if i went to far with the feedback, there's more of the same to the end of the poem. cut back, chop out, lines like; that was my mistake. they add little and if you really want to use it, use [my mistake]. try to show the hand print, the thong, the poem has potential if you can add a bit more originality and remove some of the mundane lines/phrases.
welcome
(06-14-2015, 03:47 PM)queenconstantine Wrote: This is me trying to stay away from the abstract images..
Crystal sky shatters above me,
I finally see past your gentleman's mask. would it read any better as [finally i]
Fine wine, and expensive cologne drown me, good image of being overpowered.
Thank god I saw the monster at last. lines like this can be shortened [then i saw the monster]
I didn't see the tissues stained red,
Until it was too late,
I gave you all, you gave me none, [nothing] could this be said in a new way?
That was my mistake
how did I miss the lacy thong on the floor,
The dirty handprints adorning the door.
They warned me of you, I was such a fool,
This is the price I pay.