06-14-2015, 03:31 PM
"I gave into despair last night, in truth" The "in truth" seems like a filler to me, since the speaker already stated "I gave into despair last night"
I really like "a ghost suffered in trust was burned to hell" that's such a powerful image to me.
-still real still sane- really threw off the rhythm for me. Is there suppose to be a comma between them!? I'm not sure of the proper punctuation, or if it needs any..
I don't understand what "I'd point to costs of karmas got as why" What's is a got?
In conclusion, it feels stiff, although I enjoyed a lot of the imagery.
I really like "a ghost suffered in trust was burned to hell" that's such a powerful image to me.
-still real still sane- really threw off the rhythm for me. Is there suppose to be a comma between them!? I'm not sure of the proper punctuation, or if it needs any..
I don't understand what "I'd point to costs of karmas got as why" What's is a got?
In conclusion, it feels stiff, although I enjoyed a lot of the imagery.
I relish writing bad poems, if it means someday I'll write a good one.