06-14-2015, 12:30 AM
Hi,
I'm really struggling to get anything from this poem primarily because of the way it is structured. Centre justification is rarely justified because it really makes the it so much harder to read, it may look pretty but it is so distracting. The rare occasion where it can actually work is in 'concrete poetry' ie poetry in which the visual form is used to convey meaning.
The other issue I see which also is making it difficult to read is the construction of sentences. It appears that the majority of stanzas are to be taken as whole sentences, which considering the length of some of them is hard to digest. Because it is your poem then it is easier for you to read it through without stumbling here and there but to a person coming to it fresh it adds a whole lot of effort to be able to navigate it correctly to the end.
I do see possibilities within the content that could work well, but I would first suggest an edit to remove centre alignment and then to have a look at your sentence structure, once this is done I think that the poem will more likely get more comments that would be related to your content.
Thanks for the read,
Mark
I'm really struggling to get anything from this poem primarily because of the way it is structured. Centre justification is rarely justified because it really makes the it so much harder to read, it may look pretty but it is so distracting. The rare occasion where it can actually work is in 'concrete poetry' ie poetry in which the visual form is used to convey meaning.
The other issue I see which also is making it difficult to read is the construction of sentences. It appears that the majority of stanzas are to be taken as whole sentences, which considering the length of some of them is hard to digest. Because it is your poem then it is easier for you to read it through without stumbling here and there but to a person coming to it fresh it adds a whole lot of effort to be able to navigate it correctly to the end.
I do see possibilities within the content that could work well, but I would first suggest an edit to remove centre alignment and then to have a look at your sentence structure, once this is done I think that the poem will more likely get more comments that would be related to your content.
Thanks for the read,
Mark
wae aye man ye radgie