Untitled Insanity

[poppoetry]

*anxiously awaits helpful critique*

My weapon, a lie, insidious creeping.    My weapon's a lie, creeping
I attack, her soul, her being.          attacks her soul and being
Soon a doubt, a questions raising,
What is truth, is she mistaking?                 is she mistaken?
Fantasy holds such allure,                            Minds fantasy holds allure
When her mind is so unsure.
She overlooks, her demons watch,           overlooked, her demons watch
One step closer, she'll be lost.
Balanced on that tempting line,                        balanced by that tempting line
Another thought, she'll soon be mine              soon she'll be mine
No one hears her grievous plea,
As she sinks to insanity.                                    sinks into insanity

this is with the benefit of hindsight so to speak and is just my personal preference to keep it short and sweet and punchy but the poem itself is a nice poem to do, a good subject and viewpoint but would read better if we got a better sense of manic urgency or despair, it reads a but like this is it so we accept it and move on, i'd prefer if we got a sense of desperation maybe.

thanks

poppoetry