06-09-2015, 06:46 PM
Hello, everyone! I originally intended the first 5 lines to be a simple little poem but then I added to it. The meter is not perfect but I'd love to know your thoughts. (Constructive, please. I'm trying to get better) Thanks for reading!
Thoughts can be seeds planted in the mind,
And thoughts of you grew in a twisting vine.
In every crevice a saccharine bloom,
As I goaded you to consume
All of my sweetness
Your sun colored how my skin glowed,
With thoughts of you, milk and honey flowed.
But unattended, my insides turned to rot,
And old roots buried deep, began to knot.
All of my sweetness
Then one day you came to rip me apart,
To see if I really, really had a heart.
Now, even as my blood drips down to the Earth,
You will never know what loving me was truly worth.
All of my sweetness
Never grew to be the fruits of your Paradise.
-N.S.
Thoughts can be seeds planted in the mind,
And thoughts of you grew in a twisting vine.
In every crevice a saccharine bloom,
As I goaded you to consume
All of my sweetness
Your sun colored how my skin glowed,
With thoughts of you, milk and honey flowed.
But unattended, my insides turned to rot,
And old roots buried deep, began to knot.
All of my sweetness
Then one day you came to rip me apart,
To see if I really, really had a heart.
Now, even as my blood drips down to the Earth,
You will never know what loving me was truly worth.
All of my sweetness
Never grew to be the fruits of your Paradise.
-N.S.