A Funhouse Mirror

[RiverNotch]

I agree -- this poem is already pretty good, but it needs some clipping.

There are women whose laugh I’ve learned to hate,
needling at my pride as I stumbled through a joke 
I never thought was funny. I like this last line, but I feel like the two lines preceding could be shortened -- their rhythm doesn't stumble, sure, but "I've learned to" feels removeable, and there's something off about "needling at my pride"
 
I used to love some of these women, 
as they tore my limbs from their sockets
in attempt to mould the perfect man. 
 
I used to cringe when their eyes met mine, 
shrinking at the thought of inadequate wit, looks, or standing.
 
Maybe:
"I used to love these women,
as they tore my limbs from their sockets
in molding the perfect man.
I cringed when their eyes met mine, 
shrinking at [inadequacy? I dunno -- I think this line is missing something. The last four words are a neat list, but the word "inadequate" is too jarringly long. And I think "at the thought of" could be omitted, but then I don't know what's a good substitute for that.]


I know what I am – I feel like a contrasting conjunctive (but) and something to reiterate that what used to be now isn't (that is, now) would be fair additions, but then the stanza break is enough. Your choice, I suppose.
and there are women who laugh with me
at the stupidity of my jokes, 
the blemishes on my face,
and the silliness of a man with no limbs. "Blemishes on my face" feels inappropriate, as it is very barely touched on by the rest of the poem, unlike the two ideas flanking it. And it's not as if it's a moment of clarity, either -- the metaphors are already pretty straightforward. But yeah, I like this whole stanza anyway, and how it plays with the rest of the poem.