06-08-2015, 01:18 PM
One thing that might work with this poem is if you interlink all of the imagery together (just an idea slight illustration below paying no attention to your syllable count):
I am not plates, to throw against a concrete wall
nor am I the wall, to beat and batter, smash and ram
I think there's a lot of cuts throughout that you could do--even in the lines I reference, but I wonder it the poem would hold together better as a chain of interlocking images instead of with syllable count.
Just an idea,
Todd
I am not plates, to throw against a concrete wall
nor am I the wall, to beat and batter, smash and ram
I think there's a lot of cuts throughout that you could do--even in the lines I reference, but I wonder it the poem would hold together better as a chain of interlocking images instead of with syllable count.
Just an idea,
Todd
The secret of poetry is cruelty.--Jon Anderson