We Are Not Things framed by a doorway

[SnarlingThroughOurSmiles]

Hey, it's okay.  The "you" are the friends I mentioned in the 4th line, "Emperors disguised as friends."

I purposefully wrote "I was not bred for you to judge as I atop/Scaffolds stand in scarlet red" to keep the 4-8-7 meter.

"We Are Not Things" is a line from Mad Max, and "she" is the woman who first started declaring that in the movie.

I purposefully left out the articles to both keep the meter and to parallel "We Are Not Things" by saying "I am not ____" without the "a", despite it being grammatically incorrect.  The line reads "I am not thing, but thanks to I learned to smile [and] shut up..."

Thanks for your critique though!  Do you have any ideas on how I could work in articles while keeping the 4-8-7 pattern?

I don't know what you mean by the 4-8-7 pattern. Could you explain?

There's a 4-8-7 syllable pattern in every two lines, for example"
"I was not made (4) to eat somebody else's words (8)
Swallow someone else's hate (7)."

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why do you want to keep the  4-8-7 meter?

I like the rhythm

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I was not made to eat somebody else's words
or?? Swallow someone else's hate.
I was not meant to live under your Roman whims. your is too assuming
Emperors disguised as friends emporers can be friends....


I was not born for begging you to let me in
Freezing, dying at your door
I was not bred for you to judge as I atop do you talk this way? even for poetry's sake it needs to make logical sense. The awkward word arrangement leaves me focusing on that, and not the poem...or its subject
Scaffolds stand in scarlet red


We Are Not Things, she said on walls in desert whitewhy did you switch to third person
Sacrificing splendid queenwell, now I have no idea what you're on about
I Am Not Thing, but thanks to you I learned to smile
Shut up as you all kill meis the speaker schizophrenic?


I am not plates, to throw against a concrete wallhey,welcome back ...
Shatter me to soothe your rage
I am not wall, to beat and batter, smash and ram
Cannot crumble, doesn't fall

I am just girl, who loves and breaks and fights and mends
Casting you out of her world

I think that the imagery created is false, walls don't usually crumble, unless they are old. plates don't get thrown against walls.... Emporers don't really exist today so the relevancy of that imagry is questionable... ...
I think you need to focus on truth.

Why would I have to focus on "truth"? And in any case, walls can crumble, plates do get thrown against walls in fits of rage. Or the floor. It does happen. And emperors don't really exist today but that does not mean that I cannot use the reference in poetry. There's not expiration date on references that can or cannot be used, otherwise poems would never be allowed to refer back to days gone by.