06-06-2015, 05:53 PM
(03-19-2015, 06:53 PM)summermoose Wrote: In mother’s arms, he starts to seeHello,
the stage on which he plays.
Wide-eyed and free, begins to dream;
the crowds will come some day.
For want of part, he acts to fit,
a vapid Hamlet roams.
Green actors’ thirst, grows truculent
dull pang for greatness moans.
Transcending now, his show robust
gold words from Shakespeare’s kiss.
The crowds have come, fulfilled his lust
but head in hand he sits.
Same curtain falls, cries helplessly
to be, or not to be.
In mother’s arms, he starts to see
to be, to be, to just be.
This is a piece crying out forTLC. Just a few carresses would be wonderful. In S1 you omit pronouns for meter instead of taking extra time to think it through...not that meter or rhyme is of overwhelming consequence. So:
Cradled in his mother's arms he sees
the stage on which he plays.
Wide eyed and free he dares to dream
that crowds will come some day.
Not perfect but illustrative. The next stanzas would stand the same fussing.Try it.
Good stuff,
best,
tectak

